Whose been eating my porridge
In the last post we were encouraged to think about our how we occupy spaces in our lives and how much value we are really adding in those spaces, here we are going to expand on that post.
One of the things that is truly inspiring in the blogosphere, is the quality of many of the comments and feedback we receive about our posts. The reason I am expanding on that last post is because of such comments and feedback. So thanks to Paul Worswick over at Diary4Life and Mandy Lehto over at Bravura Coaching.
Paul asked an inspired question about whether we under or over-estimate our value, and Mandy expanded on a space that I had not mentioned (and honestly did not consider when writing that post), that is our own space.
Both of these are really important aspects……..they go together and in thinking about them it brought to mind a very familiar story, so here we go back to childhood stories to expand on the concept.
The Fairytale
We all know the story of Goldilocks and three bears, where everything was either too much of something, not enough of something or JUST RIGHT! Well the question of our personal space and our value can be just like that story.
Our Space
Mandy made this comment “Ever notice how some people, when they’re not in a good place, take up a smaller space, both verbally and spatially? And when things are flowing, dynamic and good, we somehow take up more space, hopefully adding more value, be it intellectually, spiritually or energetically.” Mandy also spoke about our own spaces intersecting with others.
Whether we are in a good place or a bad place has a direct correlation to our own perceived value.
Pappa Bear Syndrome
Lets start with those with “Papa Bear” syndrome… They are TOO hot, TOO hard, TOO much of just about everything! We all know at least one person who is like this….over-confident.. did I say over confident.. I meant ARROGANT. They always have an opinion on everything, they are always right, they always have a definite answer to every problem. These people clearly OVER estimate their own value, and they occupy a lot of space physically and verbally. When these people interact with the space of others, it is often in displacement mode, they must maintain their own sense of space and superiority and this comes at the expense of other peoples space. They will talk over, and/or down to others.
Mamma Bear Syndrome
What about those with “Mamma Bear” syndrome….. they are just the opposite TOO cold, TOO soft, never quite enough of anything. These people tend to be very shy and timid, they are reluctant to voice any opinion, they often think that their opinion is wrong or nobody wants to hear from them. These people UNDER estimate their value, and consequently occupy a very small space physically and verbally. In fact the space that these people occupy is very fluid, because they always try to fit into the gaps of space that are left over from everyone else.
Baby Bear Syndrome or “Just Rightness”
Of course you know the next syndrome…. “Baby Bear”….they are JUST RIGHT. They know when to speak up, they know when to keep quiet, they listen to others and they add their opinion as just that…their opinion.. not a FACT or a “I know this probably isn’t worth much…” these people don’t occupy A LOT of personal space, they don’t shift moment by moment the amount of space they occupy to fit in the gaps. They occupy just the right amount space because that just is the space they occupy, but the edges of their space remain a little bit blurry to effectively interact with the space of people with Mamma Bear or Pappa Bear syndrome, they flex a little to resist the Pappa Bears, and they expand a little to support the Mamma Bears… their space both physically and verbally is just right.
Those with “Baby Bear” syndrome…. which is probably the wrong nomenclature because “syndrome” implies a deficit of some sort……so lets it call it “Just Rightness”… have probably been through, and continue to go through a thinking process like the one we talked about in this post about what do you see, believe and do.
Which one are you?
So are you a Pappa Bear, a Mamma Bear, or are you just right? What do you think? Let us know in the comments.
image in this post by sammydavisdog
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I’m with Paul and the others. I think that depending on where we are in our lives and in our situations, we can be all three. Sometimes I intentionally take a backseat and act like the Mama Bear. Depending on how confident I feel that day or in that situation, I can be the Papa Bear. It’s not so easy to be the Baby Bear. Hmmm, maybe I’m better off being Goldilocks, after all I do have blond hair
Interesting analogy and discussion, Mick.
Karen
Thanks Karen, we can shift around a bit, bit we should have a goal to be baby bear as often as possible.
Well, we can try, but sometimes we can’t help ourselves
Great read that gets me to thinking Mick. I’m in agreement with Paul that at some pt. It’s been all three.
I like the analogy it does get me to thinking.
Thanks Lee… any post that gets us thinking is a winner for me, so thanks for the compliment
Mick, this is a great post. I took a course on personal impact some years ago. The trainer introduced a relevant – and indeed similar – concept: are you a garlic person or a baked beans person. It was a humorous take on how our presence, our persona and our energies influence others. That consciousness is a key theme in your message, simply being aware (so not being a ‘garlic’ person) about how our interactions, our space, our presence, our mood – our entirety, basically, and how it affects others. I was never sure which I wanted to be, garlic or baked beans (both were somehow off-putting!), so I like your typologies much better!
Thanks Mandy, glad to provide you with a mental picture that works better for you than garlic and baked beans! Thanks for the added factor that helped make the post what it is.
And thank you for the mention! Much-appreciated! Enjoy your weekend!
Mick,
First of all thanks for the pingback it’s much appreciated and nice to see comments being recognised. It’s great for your community here.
The concept raised by Mandy is, whilst being very simple and straight forward, a very interesting one. Linking it to the Three Bears has added clarity to it.
I’m sure many of us have been guilty of taking up the options of either the Mamma or Pappa bear; however we may not wish to admit it. I’m sure we would prefer to claim we fall into the Baby Bear syndrome.
I, for one, would admit I’ve dropped into all three at some stage in my life.
Regards
Paul
Thanks Paul, I think you are right, we all move between the three types,particularly if we are not actively trying to remain aware of ourselves and our situation and become reactive instead of present.
As for the pingpack… you’re welcome.. it was you and Mandy that inspired the post.