The Mick Morris Musing

Welcome to Shitsville… and how to move on!

Mick Morris — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:08:43 +0000

Welcome to shitsville….

That’s how I ended a comment on another blog….. What? That’s not very polite I hear you say… and you’re right but it needs some context to understand the comment…

The blog post I commented on was an honest assessment of how Single Dad feels about some recent media around a disability related issue… and the feelings it brought up for him.

Now Single Dad NEVER pulls punches..(and did I tell you he hates idiots.. ) in his post he did a great job of explaining the Shit-o-meter… (and I stole the image from his post.. because I happen to like the GAFoM version). He also did a great job of honestly assessing his own ability on the shitometer, and comparing that to others perceptions and abilities on the shitometer scale.

My comment was about all of us being somewhere on the shitometer scale, and sometimes being at multiple points on it at various points in time. You can find the post here (but I warn you, unless you are willing to confront brutal honesty from both Single Dad and those that comment on his blog, most of whom are dealing with profound disabilities of one sort or another.. don’t follow the link.)

How to get out of Shitsville

If you were in Shitsville I’m sure you would be looking for a way out…. the reality for the vast majority of people for whom Single Dad’s post was relevant is that there is NO WAY OUT OF SHITSVILLE and we will always be sitting somewhere on that scale… but for everyday folk… it really should be about Giving a F… and putting that needle on the GAFoM gauge at the top of the post firmly into the positive zone?

So elsewhere on this blog there are few suggestions about dealing with problems and making choices, and how to sit with sadness.

But it was another post that I read this week that was a great prompt for thinking about how to change the number of your own shitometer.

Irrational questions to ask yourself….

In that post Dan Pink introduced the work of Dr Michael Pantalon PhD (author of Instant Influence: How to get anyone to anything FAST , and Dr Pantalon provided two questions and some analysis that I think I really useful.. but I’ll adapt them to the circumstances of the shitometer

1. How ready are you change your number on the shitometer, on a scale of 1-10, where 1 means not ready at all and 10 is totally ready?

As per Dr Pantalon’s instructions you MUST give yourself a number.. if your answer really is a 1.. then ask yourself “what would turn it into a 2″. If you answer yourself honestly.. you have just revealed to yourself what you need to be able to make a change….and what you need to be motivate yourself to do first.

2. If you pick a number that was higher than 2 ask yourself “Why didn’t I pick a lower (yes, lower) number?

By honestly answering question 2 your are asking yourself to defence why your desire to change is the slightest bit important to you, rather than defend your excuses why you won’t do it.. As Dr Pantalon says … The answers lead you to rehearse the positive and intrinsic reasons for doing what you asked yourself which in turn dramatically increases the chances that you will actually get it done…

The book contains plenty of other gems… not put together by your average watch me make a quick buck internet marketing entrepreneur but by Psychological research scientist from Yale School of Medicine, so go buy the book Instant Influence: How to get anyone to anything FAST to learn some more (and yes that IS an affiliate link, so you if you buy from the link you can help me maintain my coffee habit!)

and… when there really is no way out of Shitsville?

If there REALLY is no way out of Shitsville ….. then I invite you back to my post on sitting with sadness

Get out of the doorway

Mick Morris — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 08:02:05 +0000

Please get out of the doorway…

Time for an admission…. I hate it when people stop in doorways. Everything is moving along nicely and then someone stops dead at a doorway… looks puzzled, checks their pockets, scratches their head, turns to say something to someone else..or does one of a thousand other things that could be done before or after getting to the door. It frustrates the hell out me of me. There, I admitted it!

A surprising admission

This might come as a surprising admission.. particularly given that I have previously written about how a doorknob can keep you sane. But these two posts really do belong together.

That piece challenged you stop and think every time you put your hand on a doorknob. However the circumstances causing me the most frustration are not the doorways with doorknobs, but the automatic doorways in public places… so no chance to put in action the specific little zen challenge contained in that doorknob post!

Turning gut reaction into science!!

Then I find that Professor Gabriel Radvansky of the University of Notre Dame (published in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology) may have provided an answer as to why this phenomenon occurs.

He found that “Entering or exiting through a doorway serves as an ‘event boundary’ in the mind, which separates episodes of activity and files them away. Recalling the decision or activity that was made in a different room is difficult because it has been compartmentalized.” His study included a series of virtual and real world scenarios testing memory recall differences between crossing a room and exiting a doorway and in every set of scenarios the act of walking through a doorway resulted in the decline in memory performance associated with the task in that scenario.

I wondered…. is this act of stopping at the doorways triggered by a human gut reaction? Do we instinctively know that after crossing a threshold like a doorway that we will forget something. After all there are many examples of things that people do that have subsequently become the focus of psychological experiments… is this just another one?

What is your experience?

Have you experienced that sudden doorway stop… if so in what circumstances? Are you frustrated when other people do it? Does the Professors research ring true in your experience.. do you experience that memory loss of what you did in one room after you pass through a doorway?

If you are like most of the people I’ve already discussed this with then your answers are all likely YES!

Most people have mentioned the experience of having you gotten up to do something, walked into another room and then stared blankly thinking what did I come in here for? What was it that I was going to do?

Then I thought….

You know what… even if it is an instinctive gut reaction that doorknob post is still relevant….and a bit of a tweak might help to counteract this “forgetfulness” associated with moving through doorways.

So it’s time to update the challenge but instead of focusing on every time you put your hand on a doorknob… the challenge is for every time you approach an open doorway between doing tasks! I encourage you to ask yourself the questions like those contained in the doorknob challenge…..questions such as:

What am I feeling now?

Why am I feeling like this?

What am I about to do?

What is my intention on going through this door?

What is the task that I am going to perform on the other side of this doorway?

Who am I going to meet on the other side of the door?

Am I ready to really “meet” with them, and give them my FULL attention?

Are you up to the new doorway Challenge!

Choose a time-frame, whether it is a particular day or a week and every time you approach a doorway do one of these mini meditations….you never know you might find that your forgetfulness begins to disappear, and you begin to enjoy those mini zen like moments of clarity!

I’d be interested to hear what you think, or how you go at trying the doorknob challenge or this doorway challenge.. you can share your thoughts or experiences below.

Unwinding- the Zen moments

Mick Morris — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 05:47:04 +0000

Taking time out and unwinding are important elements of living a resilient life.

I sat and watched the sunset in this photo develop. From bright searing sunshine, through the ” blue hour ” that photographers love all the way to the cool pitch black of the night.

The bonus was that I got to share this time with my daughters and caught some fish as well. I’ve written before about the lessons contained in taking the kids fishing.

How many times have you glanced at a sunset like this one and then immediately dismissed it and moved on because you were too busy?

You need to remember that taking time to stop, pay attention and notice the beauty of these “zen” moments is a vital part of living a resilient life.

What zen moments do you appreciate in life?

About death and dying

Mick Morris — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 03:55:23 +0000

About Death and Dying

Death and dying are something that ALL of us will confront at some point in our lives… it is an unavoidable consequence of the human condition.

Thinking about what constitutes a good death and having the discussions about that are sadly a part of my life in caring for one of my children (see how did I get here, real mean can and should cry) We have had to have conversations around palliative care, about where (if there is any choice at the time) our son should spend his last hours/days and how much care can and will be provided when this time arrives.

What is a good death?

The issue of a good death and the discussion around it is often one that ignites great passions from people from various perspectives.

A series exploring the subject of death and dying

This subject has recently been featuring over at The Conversation…

So I am simply going to share the links to the articles they are publishing, and encourage you to think about death and dying and keep on open mind and contemplate the varying perspectives on offer,

Part 1 – Deadly Censorship Games

This post looks at the issue of euthanasia and the coverage of this issue within the media and the censorship surrounding it.

Part 2 – End of the care conveyor belt – death in Intensive Care Units

This post looks at the increasing likelihood that people will spend their last days in an intensive care unit and some of the implications around this.

Part 3 – Caring or Curing – the importance of being honest

This post looks at the issue of providing care from the point of view of an oncologist

Part 4 – Death and despair or peace and contentment – Why families need to talk about end of life options

A case study and exploration of a situation that many families will be faced with.

Part 5 – Body or Soul: Why we don’t talk about death and dying

A look at some of the ethics and perspectives of people involved in the process.

Part 6 – Advanced Care Directives

A look at legalities, processes and issues around planning for how you or someone you care for should be cared for towards the end of life

Part 7 – A personal account of life with Terminal Cancer

The title to this one is self explanatory.

Other places where the conversation is happening

The ABC in Australia recently published a piece by well known and respected journalist Quentin Dempster titled “Do you have a right to die”. This is a detailed piece that includes a few case studies, but also includes perspectives from people like the former NSW Director of Public Prosecutions and how issues of assisted death have been handled constructively and passionately, in some cases despite the apparent intent of the law.

Death and Dying – A buddhist perspective

If you have read a few other posts on this site you will note that they often include thinking that is influenced by something of a Buddhist perspective (although I don’t claim to be a practicing Buddhist.. or practicing anything else for that matter!) There is a wealth of information and thinking about death and dying within the Buddhist tradition, but I have to say thanks to a reader of this blog Kate Bacon for pointing me in the direction of Death and Dying a site that explores the subject from a purely Buddhist perspective.

What does it all mean?

Each of the links that I have provided will provoke a range of thoughts and feelings…

I would encourage you to think long and hard about death and dying because as I said above you WILL be faced with a choice around the issues of death and dying at some point in your life…

I’ll add updates to this post from time to time…. but what are your thoughts on what constitutes a good death?

Rush hour

Mick Morris — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 23:35:21 +0000

Welcome to part two of observations about the things that have been observed during years of coming and going from a children’s hospital, part one was on watching and learning

The corridors and rooms of the children’s hospital are like the highways and byways.
There is peak hour, bottlenecks, tow trucks and everything else you would expect.

When is Peak Hour?

Well that depends… there’s peak hour when you would expect it… that 9am start causes chaos in the car park,the corridors become jammed with people navigating their way to the various clinic appointments in the different parts of the hospital. There is the usual stream of high volume traffic throughout the day and then the afternoon peak and then…… there is the corridors that look like ghost towns in the middle of the night.

Speedsters and bombs

The corridor traffic is just like the road traffic.There are the zippy little speedsters.. able-bodied people who are in a hurry to get where they have to be, and they duck and weave in and out of the other traffic. There are the beaten up bombs… wheelchairs that their owners have outgrown and look like they are held together with tape and wire (WHY kids need to get to this point with their equipment is a WHOLE other issue that I will address sometime later in another post). There are the one’s doing 40 km/hr when everyone is trying to 60… but that is because they are little kids trying to navigate around with a big pole and lots of pumps and lines and wires attached.. so there is no honking at them, or “road rage” to get them to speed up.

Trucks and tow trucks

Then there are the semi-trailers and/or other assorted trucks…. the beds being moved around by the tow trucks (the porters who are always on the go.. and who are generally characters like Joe.. maybe I’ll write a post about him?), as they move kids to or from surgery to wards, or to or from wards to places like x-ray, or as has been the case too often in my families experience to or from the Intensive Care Unit. The other type of trucks are parents coming in with arm loads of bags.. you know these are the families of kids who are coming for a long stay… generally frequent flyers. Or the parents leaving with that same load of bags.. the long stay is over. The other overloaded parents are the ones leaving with a bag loads of stuffed toys, cards, flowers/balloons etc These are generally the parents of kids who are experiencing their first hospital stay. I look at them and hope that this stay hasn’t been the first of many and that they are lucky enough that this is their first and only major stay… but I know for too many of them that is not the case.

The afternoon peak

Peak hour is different in different parts of the hospital. The PM peak hour is a bit like the usual one on the road… a mass exodus of people leaving the clinics, the road outside becomes clogged. At this point the traffic in the hospital shifts as family and friends all come visiting, the corridors and alcoves become quite noisy and all of the traffic is headed into or out of the wards. Like the peak hour on the roads this one lasts for a couple of hours and then fades away.

The fading of this peak, coincides with the start of the peak in the emergency department. The emergency department has a steady stream of kids coming and going throughout the day, but when evening hits the waiting area in the emergency department begins to burst at the seams. As parents have returned home discussed little Johnnies high temp, and cough, etc etc and they make a decision that little johnny is really very sick and needs some attention. Thankfully the vast majority of these little johnny’s have things that are easily treated with bit of panadol and making sure they get fluids in with gastrolite drinks or iceblocks… things that could have been dealt with by a local
GP and avoided the wait of hours in the Emergency Department waiting room…

This burst of activity for little things that could have been dealt with away from the hospital really gets up a lot of people’s noses. I take a different view.. for most of the parents you see there it is probably the first time their child has been sick to the point of creating concern, and like with the “semi-trailer” parents, I hope that it is their first and only experience of the hospital.

Ghost town….

Once you get past a certain time in the hospital.. in my experience generally around midnight / 1 am the hospital becomes eerily quiet.
Quiet except for the hum of breathing machines, feed pumps and other assorted machines keeping kids going. As a parent who is unable to
sleep walking the corridors after this time, like in the picture for this post, the corridors are long, quiet and the place can feel like
a ghost town.

More observations to come in part three….

Always watching and learning

Mick Morris — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 10:55:49 +0000

Samuel in Intensive Care Unit

This post is being written sitting bedside in the Intensive Care Unit at the Childrens Hospital…. It’s the second time we’ve been here this year and our seventh time overall (read this if you want to know the background to how we got here).

I’ve spent the past three days watching Samuel, watching the numbers on the monitors, asking questions etc etc etc…..

But I’ve also had plenty of time to sit here and think about the experiences of being in and around this hospital and the things that I’ve seen and heard in five and half years of being back and forth.

The things I’ve observed are things that go on…..

from minute to minute

from hour to hour.

day to day

week to week

month to month

year to year…….. I’ll share them as a series of observations, so here goes with part 1.

The soft shoe shuffle

The soft show shuffle goes on, on. It consists of all those soft soled shoes that the nurses wear, constantly coming and going. The tempo of the shuffle tells you a lot about what is happening at any given period of time.

The hurried heavy foot steps when a child’s monitor goes into particular types of alarm, or an emergency button is pushed.

The calm stop start as they accompany a child on a walk through a ward.

The tip toe shuffle as they quietly move about in the middle of a night shift doing their checks.

The Tribal Dance

This is a unique ritual that occurs within the hallowed halls of a teaching hospital. The alpha doctor patrols his or her turf with a sense of confidence and ownership, followed by a tribe of beta’s (the registrars) and pack (the residents). They perform their own version of unique rituals as they come to see a child, depending on what specialty they represent.

It’s an interesting dance routine to follow, especially when you have a child that has quite a few of these tribes involved in their care.

Negotiating the dance can sometimes feel like needing to be an international diplomat, the different tribes are concerned primarily with their “patch” of your child, and sometimes don’t think (or appear not to think) about the implications of their directions on the other tribes and the treatments they have already planned.

The diplomat part comes by coaxing them to make smoke signals to the other tribes… OK smoke signals might be a bit off, you know what I mean EMAIL the modern equivalent of smoke signals, and sometimes having to do some translation between the tribes. [ to be fair the tribes do a bloody great job ]

There is also another big challenge in this tribal dance….. the tribes are pulled apart and re-assembled every three months….so after spending three months becoming educated in a particular specialty.. the beta’s and the pack get to go back to scratch and begin working up a working knowledge of a new specialty area and then…… every year members of the pack become beta’s, some of the beta’s become alphas (or go off to practice elsewhere).

Parent also play a big part in the education for the tribes. Parents of complex kids help out regularly by doing “case studies” with the pack and beta’s as they prepare for progression with the the tribe. Giving them a chance to practice getting a full history and thinking about how they would come up with an overarching treatment plan for your child. Practice for their exams as Pediatricians.

Getting them to remember that the parent they are dealing with is the EXPERT in the child they are seeing is a big part of the education process.. sure they have a six year medical degree and a certain amount of practical experience and they may be the expert in a particular field of medicine… but the parent (and/or the child depending on the condition and age etc) are the EXPERTS in how the disease, illness, infection etc is affecting THIS child.. and again to give them their dues the vast majority of the doctors have learned this by the time they assume a Beta position within the tribes… those that don’t, soon become a nightmare for parents, but thankfully this experience has been rare.

More to come in Part 2…..

21st Birthday of sorts

Mick Morris — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 05:44:00 +0000

Turning 21..again!

21 st Birthday… I wish, times that by two and you would be closer to the truth… but today is a 21st Birthday of sorts.

If I’m not turning 21 then whats up?

Today is 21 years since I joined the Fire Brigade…

What 21 years in the same job?

There are not too many “jobs” in which someone spends 21 years (or lot more) in these days. But this needs to be looked at in context, and the Fire Brigade has been far more than just a “job”.

I may have been in the Fire Brigade for 21 years, but I have had a number of “careers” already within this time.

I have spent time operationally on the fire-trucks doing the stuff you see firefighters do in the media and loved every minute of it.

I have spent time in Corporate Strategy and project management, I have spent (a short time) in training. I have done specialisations like Rescue and Hazardous Materials. I have spent time in additional roles like being a member of our Critical Incident Support team.

I have also been fortunate to have progressed in rank to where I am today, an Inspector (for those looking for an equivalency in rank terms, think Major in the Army).

I gained an education… in more ways than one.

I gained a valuable vocational education, but beyond that I have earned three post-graduate degrees and picked up plenty of “life lessons” along the way.

Twenty one years has provided many great examples of leadership (as well as a few how not to lessons on leadership).

I have been shown the true nature of “the firefighter family” when my own families circumstances have been dire [see how did I get here].

Lessons learned

I have learned how fragile human life is.

I have learned how strong the human body can be, despite what people and circumstances can do to it.

I have learned how indestructible the human spirit is, or can be.

I have learned that there is always someone willing to help (including when you find it hard to ask for help), and some one willing to watch your back, and how to reciprocate such loyalty and friendship.

I have learned that there is strength in unity.

I have learned the truth behind a quote that I have never been able to re-find the source for……“Bravery is a single act usually over in minutes, true courage is putting on the uniform every day knowing what it is you might be called upon to do”, and I thank my fellow firefighters and members of other emergency services for putting on the uniform and showing up every day to make our communities safer for everyone.

I have learned….. that I have never finished learning….. and that….

21 does feel like a beginning again..

Just like a real 21st birthday, today is full of hope. I potentially have a long time and a lot more to achieve in this “fire brigade” life, just like when I was turning 21.

I hope the next 21 years (if it lasts that long) is as full of fun, friendship, learning and life that the last 21 has been.

dance of social convention

Mick Morris — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 11:36:46 +0000

Start the dance music….

Hi how are you?…. asked the person at the checkout, asked the person at the next store, and the one after that.

It’s the same question that you and I get asked countless times every day….

Will you take the lead?

How do you reply?

Today …. I felt like replying….. “Don’t beeeep ask, you are NOT really interested, and if I told you I feel like beeeeep and feel like I want to go on a rampage, you’d recoil at a million mile an hour and be calling for security and the police”….. but what did I say ” Good thanks, you?”

This dance of social convention goes on, day in day out……

Who really wants to dance anyway?

The truth is very few people really mean it when they ask, and very few people stop to think about what might REALLY be happening for the person who they asked.

Did they stop to consider:

They have a child in serious condition in hospital,

they have just come from treatment for a serious illness,

their partner has left them,

they have just come from the funeral of their best friend…… or a myriad of other possible scenarios.

Stop the music….

Let’s do something different…. let’s change the tune.

Let’s try a new question like…..

Now you can take the lead

A question like……… that’s your choice, but if you are going to do a social dance how about you choose

a) a question about which you would really be interested

b) a question that doesn’t make the other person feel compelled to give a glib answer

Whack! Did that make you think?

Mick Morris — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:46:25 +0000

Whack….

Sometimes something or someone comes along that just whacks you in the head and makes you think differently……

People who whack you in the head..

I’m lucky to have a connection to a guy by the name of Sean D’Souza who himself has that knack, but he also has the knack of finding and pointing to material and/or other people who do the same (there’s an example coming up below)

Things to be whacked in the head about…

You have probably seen a whole lot of things that tell you that the richest x% of people control y% of this or that.

The mere fact that you are reading this post on your computer of your smart phone says something about where your position in that equation, it also says something about where you sit in the energy consumption equation of the human population. All that energy consumption has to have consequences somewhere, and therefore you would have to have been living in a cave if you had missed the ongoing discussion about global warming and if, like me, you are an Australian then you certainly could not have missed the debate about a carbon tax/emissions trading scheme.

Most of the debate has either been around dry academic arguments about the validity of the science of global warming and the need to reduce carbon pollution, or about pure politics associated with selling us the concept or scaring the hell out of us about the economic implications of attempting to do so, but NOBODY in Australian politics or media has cut through and delivered a lesson like a man (who is neither Australian, a politician or journalist) by the name of Hans Rosling.

Prepare to be whacked

Nick, Nack, you’ve been Paddy Whacked…

Hans Rosling and his magic washing machine have taken some pretty hefty concepts, whacked us in the head with a story that is easy to grasp and challenges us to think differently about our energy use, the implications of economic growth and power consumption and by association presented a challenge to think about changing to greener sustainable energy…. WOW all of that in 9 minutes and 16 seconds (including TED’s intro!)

The ability to distill and deliver a message like that is amazing….

If you need someone to help whack you in the head regularly and help you work on getting your messages as good as the one delivered by Hans Rosling you could do a lot worse that connecting up with Sean D’Souza! Sean is a man who works hard helping other people think about presentation skills, marketing, customer focus etc etc and you can find him and his various programs at psychotactics or keynotenut (please note these are NOT affiliate links but if you connect up with Sean give him a gentle nudge that it was me that sent you his way ;-} )

When things are foggy

Mick Morris — Sat, 07 May 2011 23:00:35 +0000

A morning fog….

This morning was one of the first days this year that I have woken up to a thick fog, that completely changed the drive to work and it set me thinking about when things are foggy.

Reduced Visibility

Obviously one of the first things that you notice when you wake up to a foggy day is that you can’t see as far as you usually can, your visible world has shrunk. It doesn’t mean that all those things that are usually there aren’t there it’s just that they have become obscured.

When setting off on a trip in these conditions the same applies to your journey, many of the landmarks, signposts and other clues that you would use to help guide you are obscured, but the road is still there and so is your ultimate destination.

A need to change focus

Driving in a fog causes you to change strategy about the way that you choose to light your path. You can’t hit high beam to push your way through the fog, it just causes the fog to appear thicker and brighter and it further reduces your visibility. You can’t just speed up and push your way through it ( well you can but you are just inviting a car wreck!). The fog causes you to change your focus and start looking at clues that are more immediate and closer to you than your usual length of focus. To get the best visibility you need to use low beam or change the colour of the light you use by switching to fog lights. When you do this the fog becomes less intense and your visibility improves.

When life gets foggy

Many of life’s problems can act a bit like a blanket of fog. They obscure how much you can see and they hide your destination from you. They cause you to shift focus. Just like driving if you try to switch your life to high beam, or speed your life up to try to push through you just manage to make things less clear or rush headlong into a potential wreck.

Treat life’s fog like driving in the fog

slow down
reduce the intensity of your focus
use landmarks and signposts in your life that are close to you, one’s that you often usually don’t pay attention to you
change the way you light up the problem, it might allow you to see a way through that you can’t otherwise

What are your tips for safely navigating through life’s fog? Share them in the comments ….