Because you are worth it…..I dare you!

I recently wrote about How to sit with sadness, the good news is that the strategy that I shared in that post …. applies to almost every emotion or set of circumstances you find yourself in, and BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT here are the simple instructions……..

because you are worth it

The instruction manual for sitting with.......

 

I DARE YOU!

BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT, I dare you to pick an emotion, pick a set of circumstances you are confronting…. follow the instructions……JUST PAY ATTENTION… don’t argue with yourself or justify your thoughts just pay attention to them and see how the emotion or your understanding of the circumstances change, …..and then …..

Tell others about your experience sitting with….. in the comments below!

Life’s ONLY rule

You have to care - it's the only rule in life!

The way I see it life has only one rule……and that is you have to CARE!

How do you express it?

It doesn’t matter how you express it, whether you call it giving a shit, whether you call it stepping up to the plate, rising to the challenge, giving a toss… however you put it there is only one rule that underpins every other rule in life…that is to CARE!

Why caring matters

All the good things in life only happen because somebody cares. (and conversely a lot of bad stuff happens when people don’t care!……remember the quote by Edmund Burke….”all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men (and women) do nothing”  and how many times in history this fact quote has proven correct )

The good things happen because someone cares enough about whatever specific thing it is to do whatever it takes to make something happen. Whether it’s the next big leap in astrophysics… or whether it is picking up the phone and calling to see if you are ok, or leaving a message of support for you on facebook they only happen because someone CARES…..

What about you?

What do you care about and why…… and how do you show it…. share it with everyone in the comments!

image credit: Aunt Owwee @flickr

Four lines to change your life.

choose your frame!

I’m going to share with you four lines that can form the basis of reframing every aspect of your life… and challenge you to apply them, but first I’ll share with you how I found the four lines…

It’s that Tim Brownson bloke again!

I know this guy, Tim Brownson, a life coach who you can find over at A Daring Adventure, (but before I tell the rest of this story…. you should read my post on Why I hate Tim Brownson to get some context…).

Tim’s reframing competition.

In his usual tantalizing fashion Tim recently ran a competition to give away an Amazon gift card and a copy of a book he coauthored How to be Rich and Happy, with the competition being on the subject of re-framing. As usual I couldn’t resist so I put my entry in the comments (and like he always does…. he made us wait a while to find out who the winner was going to be.)

Announcing the winner!

When I read Tim’s post “this is how you reframe” I was introduced to the Roy Naim… a worthy winner! Roy’s entry was fantastic and was a real journey on how to reframe…. he successfully reframed a day that would have had most people pulling their hair out and turning feral ready to attack whoever next encountered them. NOT Roy…

Anyway there are some great entries attached to Tim’s post… so it is worth a read.

Meet Roy….

But Roy’s genius didn’t just stop there… No Sirree… Roy was engaged in responding to comments about his win, Roy continued to demonstrate the aspects that made his original entry so compelling, and had some nice things to say  about little old me…I’ll be following Roy on twitter!  In one of his comments Roy  shared a quote from the Silva Method which really set my mind wandering…….

The four lines to help you reframe everything in your life!

“If you like it, enjoy it.
If you don’t like it, avoid it.
If you can’t avoid it or choose not to, then accept it.
To accept it, you must change your perception of it.”

Sometimes it is simply amazing how a simple statement can smack you in the head! This quote certainly did that. I reckon Roy has shared four lines that are the basis for reframing every aspect of your life, IF you apply the quote.

What about you?

How could/would you apply this quote in your life? What are you going to reframe?

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/editor/135953989/sizes/m/

Guaranteed way to fail at your new years resolution

The end of the year is almost upon you…. and your thoughts are turning to what your new years resolution will/should/could be…chances are your New Years Resolution is likely to be one of the classic ones.. you know the list

  • lose weight
  • stop smoking
  • drink less
  • get organised
  • exercise daily
  • to be happy
  • to spend more time with family
  • etc etc etc

Yes I know this year will be different to every other time you made a new years resolution….you are full of determination to succeed… … so I am going to do something completely different and give you the 100% guaranteed method of continuing to fail at your new years resolution…..

Firstly the good news!

100% of New Years Resolutions fail… what 100% of new years resolutions fail..garbage I hear you shout! What evidence do I  have for that and why is that good news?

If you want the evidence just read any newspaper in the lead up to the new year, they will trot out all of the latest research and statistics for you. So lets just summarize it…..There are lots of studies that show that over half of all new years resolutions are done and dusted by the end of the first week of January, that more than eighty percent are done with by the end of January and that as few as eight percent of people make it to the end of the year.

AAAAHHAAA you shout… Eight percent of people make it !

I know, I know you’re committed and determined to be one of those eight percent….. But didn’t I just say 100% of new years resolutions fail, and I was going to give you the one hundred percent guaranteed way for you to be one of them…

Well yes I did…….

Heres the reason why…. change is a complex thing

When do you  think of your new years resolution… some time between Christmas and news year day  (or on new years day… regardless it is often after you have indulged in a great deal more of many of the things that you are vowing to quit)

Those decisions are really a spur of the moment, whimsical verbalization of your fantasy state…these resolutions have been made without any significant thought about what the  desired state REALLY  means to you, and what you actually have to make happen to make the desired state a reality.

There is a well-recognized process for making significant changes in a person’s life. (In fact I think we will explore this model over the next few posts…) The model looks like this.

It is almost guaranteed that the measly eight percent who succeeded didn’t think of their new years resolution in that Christmas/new year time period. I can almost guarantee you that they had been thinking about their desired change for a lot longer than the few days between Christmas and New Year, and that they had made both psychological and physical preparations for the change, in fact they had probably had a few false starts toward their goal in the lead up to the new year….. the only thing that their  resolution has in common with yours is the January 1 start date.

and that is good news because…?

That is  good news  in my books because those eight percent aren’t really making a new years resolution…. they are just acting on a resolution made in the weeks or months leading up to new year, not a decision made on the spur of the moment because they needed a new years resolution to conform with tradition. They just happen to get bundled into the data because of the date they chose as a start date for their actions.

You are free..

The other good news is that because 100% of New Years Resolutions fail..this year YOU ARE FREE.… you don’t need to feel the pressure to make a new years resolution and suffer the inevitable sense of failure when you don’t make it past the first week or month of the new year with your resolution intact.

But I promised you a guaranteed method of continuing to fail at your new years resolution, and I like to keep my promises, so here it is…

Your guaranteed method to New Years Resolution Failure

Your guaranteed method to New Years Resolution Failure is to continue doing what you have done every other new year…. turn you mind to a resolution in these days between Christmas and New Year, tell yourself this year is the year that I will….(insert your resolution here)…, make zero preparations and then beat yourself up for a week, or a month or however long you usually last and the revert to your habit………

But…. if  you are really serious about achieving a life change.. stick around and we will talk about the stages in the Change Model above….

BAH-HUMBUG! Hating Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years

Whose a festive season turkey?

I think Scrooge McDuck said it all  “That silly season when everybody loves everybody else! A Curse on it!”…

BAH HUMBUG.. there I said it…. the holiday festive season makes me a BAH-HUMBUG person…. it is not because I don’t particularly like what each of the occasions means, I actually enjoy each specific day and the time with my family. The reason it makes me a BAH HUMBUG person is because of,

The outpouring of Bonhomie

Or should I say the outpouring of so much FAKE bonhomie… have you noticed the people who are complete nay sayers and grouches  suddenly become full of good cheer (or appear to be full of good cheer). How everyone suddenly has to find something nice to say about everyone else.. how people suddenly cut some slack for people they would not think twice about for the rest of the year…

What difference does it make?

I really have to question what difference it makes….. when so much of the bon homie appears so obviously strained and an effort. When so much of the effort is really about the retail experience and not really about the spirit of the events.

Does it make a difference to the people who are neglected for most of the year.. do those strained kind words really mean anything to them? Do the token contributions do anything practical for them, or do they just serve to highlight their status for the rest of the year?

Where does it go?

When the first week of January is over…. where has it all gone? How quickly do things revert to “normal”… how quickly do the little people suddenly mean very little again. If the sentiments expressed during the festive season meant anything at all how could this be?

Here’s a challenge I want to set for everyone….

Bank it for every day!

I want you to ration your bon homie for the festive season… I want you to examine the effort that you would usually make at this time, I want you to really think about how much of it you really have to work at…. and think, if you really have to work at it, is it genuine and is it worth it.

I want you to consider the investment you make, financially, emotionally and physically during the festive season and I want you to only do what feels completely 100% genuine and really from the heart during this festive season… and all of the energy, emotion and finances you would otherwise spend while “working at it” I want you to bank……

I want you to bank it NOW… and then I want you to SPEND it… but don’t spend it during the festive season… spend it during the rest of the year. Invest it in making a small but real difference EVERY DAY… use it to smile at someone who you might otherwise neglect, use it to buy someone a cup of coffee when they’re not expecting it, use it to make a donation to a charity outside of their traditional “appeal” times, use that energy, emotion and finance to make a small but REAL difference to people throughout the year…

make the whole year the festive season for all the RIGHT reasons  and help stop me being such a  BAH HUMBUG person…..

image credit – wishuponacupcake @flickr