Suffering is Optional
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional….. inspiring words by the Lord Buddha aren’t they?
But what the hell does he mean suffering is optional…. we all get the pain is inevitable part, that’s just part and parcel of the human existence, but to suffer OPTIONAL, surely he had rocks in his head!
Did he?
How many things do you beat yourself up over with refrains like ” if only I had…..” or “ I really should do…..” or “If I hadn’t ……. then X wouldn’t have happened.”
We do not have to have those conversations with ourselves, nobody forces us to, nobody says we have to, so why do we?
If in our heads we are having the conversations “if only I had or if only I hadn’t then…” where are we focusing…. on the past. Can we change the past? NO.
When we are having the ” I really should…” conversation in our heads where are we focusing….. on the future! but are we focusing on actually getting done what needs doing? NO. Can we control the future? NO.
But when we engage in each of these conversations what are we doing? We are causing ourselves to suffer, not because we HAVE to, but because we are choosing to, so the suffering IS optional.
There are many things that happen to people in life that are tragic, and do cause immense physical pain and suffering to people. My sons accident, disability and ongoing problems associated with them are such examples (see these articles for background…. how did I get here, real men can, and should, cry ).
If could there are many things I would change about what happened, but I cannot. If I could I would take away his pain and suffering, but I cannot. If I could I would prevent the future pain and suffering that he will experience, but I cannot.
There are a few words that I use to constantly remind myself about this. The words are ” it is what it is “.
I am not being trite and telling you that positive thinking will solve all of our problems. The reality is coming to the acceptance that ” it is what it is ” is difficult. Stopping yourself from unnecessary suffering is difficult.
There are days when life is tough, and circumstances can and will overwhelm. There are days when we will feel like shit, but those words “it is what it is” are also a comfort on those days, to acknowledge the feeling and not let the “what if”, “if only” conversations start in our heads. We may need to sit with those feelings of being down etc, but we do not need to let them cause us to suffer.
There is only one point in time and space that you and I can control, and that is right here, right now. We can choose to do what is necessary instead of thinking I should….. We can me mindful of the “if only” thoughts we are having and stop our attachment to the past by acknowledging that it is what is and letting go of it. WE CAN choose not to suffer unnecessarily.
IT IS WHAT IT IS……….. what are you going to do differently to stop the optional suffering?
Image in this post by FranUlloa @ flickr
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Great beginning, Nice ending, you lost me in between. Musta been the music in my head.
“Pain is part of life; suffering is optional”
Lee
Thanks for the comment Lees, sorry I lost you in the middle…. appreciate the honesty in your message.
FYI, I just put on loud music, because I commented on a post over the infopreneur (www.theinfopreneur.org) that set of a song in my head, and I need to erase it.
Amazing piece of work here brother, fantastic.
Like Heather said you have to live life in the here and now.
To take me back to my military days, pain is suffering or fear leaving the body!
Thanks for the compliment on the work James! I appreciate you dropping by this blog, and love what your doing at the yours!
You’re a great example of the intent of this post!
Cheers
Staying in the here and now is so important… but also pretty difficult. We’re raised in a society where the majority of people do look back, or look forward, and they worry over it like dogs over a bone.
Not exactly a healthy way to be. I think you’re right, and you do just have to accept that what happened happened, and what will happen will happen, and all you can really control is what you do Right Now.
Besides, life’s too short and painful for all this suffering nonsense.
Thanks Heather,
You’re right, it is pretty difficult to remain “present” in the here and now…. I think I may follow up with some pieces on tips/strategies for catching yourself drifting off into the what if’s….
Sounds like a good idea Mick – probably something a lot of people would find useful (me included!)
Hi Mick,
I’d like to take this time to tell you that I am just one step and I do mean one step behind you. The devastation that was visited on your son, has taken me as one of it’s cruel victims not in a physical sense like your son, but devastating sums it up. As I sit here writing this, I am left to my own devices on how to cope with a fateful day in 2007 that forever changed my life to the point that I will never recover! If the provenience of power were to restore me today, I still would be unable to recover from the impact on the mind!
It is my prayer that you find a place in the hearts and lives of your readers with your message, I take it that you have the understanding that you have touched mine!
God Bless Sir, to you and your family!
Jeffrey,
Sorry to hear that you have met with your own tragic circumstances. As a firefighter (and now with my son, and the charity work) I know only too well how quickly life can change.
I hope you are able to find the strength to rise to whatever challenges are presented to you.
Please feel free to email me at any stage if you would like to discuss any strategies to assist, and thank you for your very generous comment.
Mick
We are creatures of habit and we prefer to live in the unchangeable past and the illusions of future. It takes great wisdom to see WHAT IS, which can only exist in the present moment.
Thanks Walter,
Habits are hard to break, but living NOW is the only real choice for happiness. Thanks for the comment.