Exploring Resilience via Lifes Burning Issues

Author: Mick Morris (Page 44 of 93)

Welcome to Shitsville… and how to move on!

Welcome to shitsville….

That’s how I ended a comment on another blog….. What? That’s not very polite I hear you say… and you’re right but it needs some context to understand the comment…

The blog post I commented on was an honest assessment of how that bloggerfeels about some recent media around a disability-related issue… and the feelings it brought up for him.

This person NEVER pulls punches..(and did I tell you he hates idiots.. ) in his post he did a great job of explaining the Shit-o-meter… (and I stole the image from his post.. because I happen to like the GAFoM version). He also did a great job of honestly assessing his own ability on the shitometer, and comparing that to others perceptions and abilities on the shitometer scale.

My comment was about all of us being somewhere on the shitometer scale, and sometimes being at multiple points on it at various points in time. You can find the post here [sorry the original post has been removed ](but I warn you, unless you are willing to confront brutal honesty from both the bloger and those that comment on his blog, most of whom are dealing with profound disabilities of one sort or another.. don’t follow the link.)

How to get out of Shitsville

If you were in Shitsville I’m sure you would be looking for a way out…. the reality for the vast majority of people for whom Single Dad’s post was relevant is that there is NO WAY OUT OF SHITSVILLE and we will always be sitting somewhere on that scale…  but for everyday folk… it really should be about Giving a F… and putting that needle on the GAFoM gauge at the top of the post firmly into the positive zone?

So elsewhere on this blog, there are few suggestions about dealing with problems and making choices, and how to sit with sadness.

But it was another post that I read this week that was a great prompt for thinking about how to change the number of your own shitometer.

Irrational questions to ask yourself….

In that post, Dan Pink introduced the work of Dr Michael Pantalon PhD (author of  Instant Influence: How to get anyone to anything FAST and Dr Pantalon provided two questions  and some analysis that I think I really useful.. but I’ll adapt them to the circumstances of the shitometer

1. How ready are you change your number on the shitometer, on a scale of 1-10, where 1 means not ready at all and 10 is totally ready?

As per Dr Pantalon’s instructions, you MUST give yourself a number. If your answer really is a 1,  ask yourself “what would turn it into a 2”.  If you answer yourself honestly.. you have just revealed to yourself what you need to be able to make a change….and what you need to motivate yourself to do first.

2. If you pick a number that was higher than 2 ask yourself “Why didn’t I pick a lower (yes, lower) number?

By honestly answering question 2 you are asking yourself to define why your desire to change is the slightest bit important to you, rather than defend your excuses why you won’t do it. As Dr Pantalon says … The answers lead you to rehearse the positive and intrinsic reasons for doing what you asked yourself which in turn dramatically increases the chances that you will actually get it done…

The book contains plenty of other gems… not put together by your average watch me make a quick buck internet marketing entrepreneur but by Psychological research scientist from Yale School of Medicine, so go buy the book to learn some more.

and… when there really is no way out of Shitsville?

If there REALLY is no way out of Shitsville ….. then I invite you back to my post on sitting with sadness

Get out of the doorway

Please get out of the doorway…

Time for an admission…. I hate it when people stop in doorways. Everything is moving along nicely and then someone stops dead at a doorway… looks puzzled, checks their pockets, scratches their head, turns to say something to someone else..or does one of a thousand other things that could be done before or after getting to the door. It frustrates the hell out me of me. There, I admitted it!

A surprising admission

This might come as a surprising admission.. particularly given that I have previously written about how a doorknob can keep you sane. But these two posts really do belong together.

That piece challenged you stop and think every time you put your hand on a doorknob. However the circumstances  causing me the most frustration are not the doorways with doorknobs, but the automatic doorways in public places… so no chance to put in action the specific little zen challenge contained in that doorknob post!

Turning gut reaction into science!!

Then I find that Professor Gabriel Radvansky of the University of Notre Dame (published in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology) may have provided an answer as to why this phenomenon occurs.

He found that  “Entering or exiting through a doorway serves as an ‘event boundary’ in the mind, which separates episodes of activity and files them away. Recalling the decision or activity that was made in a different room is difficult because it has been compartmentalized.” His study included a series of virtual and real world scenarios testing memory recall differences between crossing a room and exiting a doorway and in every set of scenarios the act of walking through a doorway resulted in the decline in memory performance associated with the task in that scenario.

I wondered…. is this act of stopping at the doorways triggered by a human gut reaction? Do we instinctively know that after crossing a threshold like a doorway that we will forget something. After all there are many examples of things that people do that have subsequently become the focus of psychological experiments… is this just another one?

What is your experience?

Have you experienced that sudden doorway stop… if so in what circumstances? Are you frustrated when other people do it? Does the Professors research ring true in your experience.. do you experience that memory loss of what you did in one room after you pass through a doorway?

If you are like most of the people I’ve already discussed this with then your answers are all likely YES!

Most people have mentioned the experience of having you gotten up to do something, walked into another room and then stared blankly thinking what did I come in here for? What was it that I was going to do?

Then I thought….

You know what… even if it is an instinctive gut reaction that doorknob post is still relevant….and a bit of a tweak might help to counteract this “forgetfulness” associated with moving through doorways.

So it’s time to update the challenge but instead of focusing on every time you put your hand on a doorknob… the challenge is for every time you approach an open doorway between doing tasks! I encourage you to ask yourself the questions like those contained in the doorknob challenge…..questions such as:

What am I feeling now?

Why am I feeling like this?

What am I about to do?

What is my intention on going through this door?

What is the task that I am going to perform on the other side of this doorway?

Who am I going to meet on the other side of the door?

Am I ready to really “meet” with them, and give them my FULL attention?

Are you up to the new doorway Challenge!

Choose a time-frame, whether it is a particular day or a week and every time you approach a doorway do one of these mini meditations….you never know you might find that your forgetfulness begins to disappear, and you begin to enjoy those mini zen like moments of clarity!

I’d be interested to hear what you think, or how you go at trying the doorknob challenge or this doorway challenge?

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