The Mick Morris Musing

Exploring Resilience via Lifes Burning Issues

Category: Patience (Page 6 of 7)

Real men can, and should, cry!

February 4, 2010 /

Tears for the World

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Recently we had to have a conversation with our children that no parent ever wishes to have (let alone have several times over)

We took our girls to the psychologist to discuss pending surgery for our son, which carried with it significant risks, including the risk that he may not make it through the surgery. Even if he made it through it was expected that he would be in the Intensive Care Unit for at least ten days if things went well, and if they did not……….

then we would be back where we were three and a half years ago, immediately after Samuel’s accident. We would have decisions to make about turning off life support and then have to watch and wait to see if Samuel was going to live.

As nine and fourteen-year-olds, I am really proud of the maturity that my girls showed in discussing issues of surrounding death, and the issues surrounding dealing with Samuel, theirs and the families circumstances over the past three and a half years.

They also showed a comprehensive understanding of the complexity of the decision that my wife and I had to make to go ahead with the surgery. They really grasped that it was a “rock and hard place” decision.

They understood that not proceeding with the surgery meant that Samuel faced continued deterioration of his health with the ultimate outcome being that he would suffer significantly and that his death would be hastened, and that choosing to proceed meant possibly losing him during surgery, dealing with post-operative complications associated with his fragile bones and failing lung health. They explained in their own words that this was really the only choice to provide Samuel with a chance at a better quality of life.

Samuel has shown that he is one strong little man, he has battled so much since his accident and I am constantly amazed at his strength and tenacity. The girls also showed a great deal of compassion and understanding about what Samuel has suffered through.

I know that the girls have also suffered because Samuel has been in and out of the hospital so much and his illnesses have limited what they have been able to do. They have suffered and sacrificed more than I care to think about.

There are many reasons to be proud of your children. But they made me immensely proud and brought me to tears.

No-one can ever really be prepared for the possibility of their child, or brother etc dying at such a young age, but they showed they are prepared as it is possible to be, they were able to explain themselves articulately and with a grace far beyond what could or should be expected of them at their ages. They demonstrated amazing compassion and proved to me that they really are amazing kids.

I love them and wish that they never had to think about issues like this!

My children can reduce me to tears, and I reckon real men can, and should, cry! How could you not with such beautiful children?

What makes you or your man cry? Do you think real men can, and should cry?

The image in this post by Mary-Rose Photography

What is the key to happiness?

November 15, 2009 /
(the Buddhist Path to Simplicity by Christina Feldman)
Happiness by sciondriver

Happiness by sciondriver

What is the key the happiness?

Wouldn’t most people pay millions for the answer to that question?

Quite a while ago I found this short story about the key happiness ( in the Buddhist Path to Simplicity by Christina Feldman).

A zen master was once asked “what is the key the happiness?” He answered “good judgement”, “How do I gain good judgement?” he was questioned, “experience” was the reply.

“How then do I get experience?” the student further probed, “Bad judgement” were his final words.

As happy as the next person

I like to be as happy as the next person, but this story has been running around in my head for a while and it quite often pops up again when I am thinking about what I am doing and why.

 Like most of us I’ve really excerised my “bad judgement” muscle and have definitely developed quite a portfolio of “experience”, and spent time wandering about some of this experience and what it means.

Which camp do you build with your experience?

When doing this we have a choice and people tend to broken into two camps. Those who look at their experiences and dwell on them worrying about what could have been, or what they think should have been and then expending a lot of unneccessary energy on regret or reliving the experience in a negative fasion.

The other camp is those who reflect on the experience, realise that nothing you can do is going to change the circumstances that led to the experience, nothing is going to change the actual experience but the experience contains a wealth of information that can help you make things different in the future.

I think the first camp is going to continue to experience “bad judgement”  and sell themselves short on finding the key to happiness because they continue to cling to the past and what was, whilst the second camp by focusing on the the lessons learned and the future,  focusing on what is, and what could be, are exercising their “good judgement” muscle and working hard on using the key to happiness.

Working out your happiness muscle

Like all muscles if we excercise them they get stronger, and more resilient over time. If we don’t excercise them they atrophy and lose mass, becoming less effective.

I try spend a good deal of my time working to exercise the “good judgement” muscle in order to experience more happiness.

What about you? what are/were the experiences that taught you good judgement, and which “muslce group” are you building up every day? and what are your tips for learning “good judgement”?

Let’s talk about it.

Quite a while ago I found this short story about the key happiness
A zen master was once asked “what is the key the happiness?” He answered “good judgement”,
“How do I gain good judgement?” he was questioned, “experience” was the reply. “How then
do I get experience?” the student further probed, “Bad judgement” were his final words.
I like to be as happy as the next person, but this story has been running around in my head
for a while and it quite often pops up again when I am thinking about what I am doing and why.
Like most of us I’ve really excerised by “bad judgement” muscle and have definitely developed quite
a portfolio of “experience”, and spent time wandering about some of this experience.
When doing this we have a choice and people tend to broken into two camps. Those who look at the
experience and dwell on it worrying about what could have been, or what should have been and then
expending a lot of unneccessary energy on regret or reliving the experience in a negative fasion.
The other camp is those who reflect on the experience, realise that nothing you can do is going
to change the circumstances that led to the experience, nothing is going to change the actual experience
but the experience contains a wealth of information that can make things different in the future.
I think the first camp is going to continue to experience “bad judgement” because they continue
to cling to the past and what was, whilst the second camp by focusing on the the lessons learned and the future
focusing on what is, and what could be, and they are exercising their “good judgement” muscle.
Like all muscles if we excercise them they get stronger, and more resilient over time. If we don’t excercise them
they atrophy and lose mass, becoming less effective.
I spend a good deal of my time working to exercise the “good judgement” muscle in order to experience
more happiness.
What about you? what are/were the experiences that taught you good judgement, and which “muslce group” are
you building up every day? and what are your tips for learning “good judgement”?
Let’s talk about it.
« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2024 The Mick Morris Musing

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑