Exploring Resilience via Lifes Burning Issues

Tag: fear (Page 5 of 7)

Are you hurting yourself more than your enemy?

The buddha by rahlducca

“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your  own unguarded thoughts” -Buddha

How much time do you spend with a million things going through your head, compared to how much time you experience an inner peace or a sense of flow in the task that you are undertaking?

For most people the ratio is probably pretty scary with their minds spinning. churning over thought after thought after thought far more often than experiencing that sense of flow or complete clarity.

When we have a moment of complete clarity or experience that sense of flow whilst engaged in a task what happens to us? That sense of clarity or flow is almost inevitably interrupted by another thought… and what type of thought is it.. usually a negative one, that completely shatters that sense of peace.

That one thought then leads us on to another and another (and a sense of frustration that the flow has been interrupted… leading to more negative thoughts).

Our thoughts have the power to do us harm or do us good.

Chris Brogan sparked off a conversation that reflected this with his post expressing his frustration at unrealistic expectations by some people he interacts with.

Chris had a really valid point to make, but what was really interesting was when Chris identified in the comments his fear of being thought of as an asshole if he was not meeting other peoples expectations for access to him.

Now Chris is regarded as guru in internet land. But in reality as much as people want access to him and he values their collective opinion, how much time does any one individual spend thinking about him during the scheme of their day?

Even if we are contemplating our worst enemy how much time do we think they spend thinking about us?  In reality we probably spend far more time being concerned about what they think of us, than they expend on thinking about us, so doing more harm to ourselves than they are to us.

The key to preventing our own thoughts from doing more harm to us than those of our enemies is to watch our own thoughts. Within each of our heads there is an angry person, an ill-natured person (yes admit it we all have that even though we are trying to be good all the time), a miser and liar (yes that is that little negative voice).

In the Dhammapada there is a quote that we should all apply to each of the “people” in our own minds first, and then to the outer world, but we can only do this by guarding our thoughts………

“Conquer the angry man by love, conquer the ill-natured man by goodness, conquer the miser with generosity, conquer the liar with truth”

How to be courageous

Courage?

You remember the lion in the Wizard of Oz…… he was in search of courage, because he saw his fear as a weakness, he was timid, BUT he wanted to ROAR…..

The Lion had to go on a long and adventurous trip with Dorothy to meet the Wizard of Oz to ultimately find his courage.

When he meets the Wizard of Oz (depending on which book/movie version you remember) he is given a drink labeled courage, or a medal labeled courage that emboldens him.

I’m sure you don’t want to go on a trip with as many twists and turns as that legendary journey in order to find your courage (or heart, or whatever else it is you are looking for). So is there another way to find your courage?

What is courage?

Courage is defined as the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear or vicissitudes with self possession, confidence and resolution.

Did the Lion possess these things all along without knowing it? Of course he did. If you remember the story there are a lot of things that the Lion does long the way that show courage (even if he is inwardly fearful whilst doing them).

Far too often we see courage disguised in public discourse as bravery. It is spoken of  in terms of those (hopefully) once in a lifetime instances where someone has to face and overcome a life threatening event were someone is required to do something they did not think that they were capable of.

I remember a quote about this from a fire chief  (I can’t find the original source) that said:

“Bravery is a single act often over in seconds, courage is putting on the uniform every day knowing what you may be called upon to do”

Those moments of bravery are what people often mean when they talk about courage, but what  the lion, and most of us, do not understand is that

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying “I will try again tomorrow” (Maryanne Radmacher)

What the Lion ultimately realised is that the courage that the Wizard of Oz gave him was only temporary, and that in reality he had the courage within him all along.

Like the Lion each of us has within us the courage to do what needs to be done (even if doing it scares the living hell out of us). Often it is an element of self doubt that prevents us from exercising our courage and stops us from trying again tomorrow.

So how do you be courageous?

I will let author and publisher William Feather tell you;

“here is the secret of inspiration: Tell yourself that thousands and tens of thousands of people, not very intelligent and certainly no more intelligent than the rest of us, have mastered problems as difficult as those that now baffle you”

and when it is put like that…… do you need to roar, or can you quietly whisper to yourself “I will try again tomorrow”?

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